It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.