Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.

Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

I drink to make other people more interesting.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!