A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

Women are made to be loved not understood.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.