We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.