A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.