Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

Men are as faithful as their options.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.