Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.