I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!