A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.