If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.

A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.