You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.