I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.