Sex is an emotion in motion.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.