I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

I drink to make other people more interesting.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

Sex is an emotion in motion.