Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

No good deed goes unpunished.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?

You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.