You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.