We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

No good deed goes unpunished.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.