Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.

A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.