I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.