I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money