I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

You live but once; you might as well be amusing.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.

I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.

I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

Humor is the most engaging cowardice.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.

Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?