I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

I'm single because I was born that way.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.