What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.