Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

Women are made to be loved not understood.