All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity

If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.

Men are as faithful as their options.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.