The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.