Cynicism is humour in ill health.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I'm single because I was born that way.
Men are as faithful as their options.
You live but once; you might as well be amusing.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.