I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.