In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.

Women are made to be loved not understood.

If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.