When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
A day without laughter is a day wasted.