If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.

Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.