Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.

If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.

Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.

If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.

It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.

A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.

He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.

Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.

Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.