May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.