Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
Iíve been bitten by a python. It wasnít a very big oneÖ
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.
If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.