It is better to be alone than in bad company.

Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.

An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room.

I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.