I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

He could not see a belt without hitting below it.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.

There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.

Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.

I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.