Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.
It’s a terrible thing to appear on television – because people think you actually know what you’re talking about!
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.