A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Men are as faithful as their options.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.