I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.

What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.

Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.

Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member