The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
The reason I talk to myself is because Im the only one whose answers I accept.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
A joke is an epigram on the death of a feeling.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?