I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money