We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I drink to make other people more interesting.
The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
[Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them!