Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
No good deed goes unpunished.
I don't want to go to heaven. None of my friends are there.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
Marge, you're as beautiful as Princess Leia and as smart as Yoda.
Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!