When people talk of the freedom of writing, speaking or thinking I cannot choose but laugh. No such thing ever existed. No such thing now exists; but I hope it will exist. But it must be hundreds of years after you and I shall write and speak no more.

I just want to retire before I go senile because if I don't retire before I go senile, then I'll do more damage than good at that point.

There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed.

If you talk bad about country music, it's like saying bad things about my momma. Them's fightin' words.

A jug fills drop by drop.

Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo.

I have noticed even people who claim everything is predestined, and that we can do nothing to change it, look before they cross the road.

I could see that, if not actually disgruntled, he was far from being gruntled.

He who possesses most must be most afraid of loss.

What is necessary to change a person is to change his awareness of himself.

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn't sit for a month.

The last of human freedoms - the ability to chose one's attitude in a given set of circumstances.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man.

Religion and art spring from the same root and are close kin. Economics and art are strangers.

The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good thing for the first time.

All honor's wounds are self-inflicted.

There's no such thing as perfect writing, just like there's no such thing as perfect despair.

There is no such thing as a Christian child: only a child of Christian parents.

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.

Some newspapers are fit only to line the bottom of bird cages.

To forbid us anything is to make us have a mind for it.