All satire is blind to the forces liberated by decay. Which is why total decay has absorbed the forces of satire.

Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.

A toast, Jedediah, to love on my terms. Those are the only terms anybody ever knows - his own.

The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.

A place for everything, and everything in its place.

In the United States today, we have more than our share of the nattering nabobs of negativism.

Courage is being scared to death... and saddling up anyway.

True valor lies between cowardice and rashness.

A stale article, if you dip it in a good, warm, sunny smile, will go off better than a fresh one that you've scowled upon.

The joke of our time is the suicide of intention.

Never lend your car to someone you've given birth to.

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so.

When I had nothing to lose, I had everything. When I stopped being who I am, I found myself.

I want to put a ding in the universe.

Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.

Central banks don't have divine wisdom. They try to do the best analysis they can and must be prepared to stand or fall by the quality of that analysis.

Some newspapers are fit only to line the bottom of bird cages.

It's sad when someone you know becomes someone you knew.

A lot of people don't realize that depression is an illness. I don't wish it on anyone, but if they would know how it feels, I swear they would think twice before they just shrug it.

Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead.

When one door is closed, don't you know that many more are open