I'm single because I was born that way.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

The reason fat men are good natured is they can neither fight nor run.

To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.