A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
Sex is an emotion in motion.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
When you're drowning you don't think, 'I would be incredibly pleased if someone would notice I'm drowning and come and rescue me.' You just scream.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.