Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
Men are as faithful as their options.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.
I'm single because I was born that way.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity