It's not worth doing something unless you were doing something that someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing.
Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask whats for lunch.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
Anyone who makes up their mind about an issue before they hear the issue is a fool.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
If you tell people you talk to God, they'll think you're religious, but if you say God talks to you, it's ten to one they'll think you're crazy.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time' so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
No good deed goes unpunished.