Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

You'll never find a rainbow if you're looking down

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.

He looks as though he's been weaned on a pickle.

The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.

I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.

I've been on a calendar, but never on time.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.

Go to heaven for the climate and hell for the company.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.

If women ran the world we wouldn't have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.