Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.