I have nothing to declare except my genius.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
Many marriages would be better if the husband and wife clearly understood that they're on the same side.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
There are some people that you cannot change, you must either swallow them whole or leave them alone.
If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.