I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
Humor is the most engaging cowardice.
You can lead a horse to water, but a pencil must be lead.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
We are all here for a spell, get all the good laughs you can.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.