The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.

I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.

All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.

May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.

You know, boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like a woman. You just have to read the manual and press the right buttons.

There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

War does not determine who is right - only who is left.

You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.