Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
If you don't read the newspaper, you're uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you're mis-informed.
Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.