Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
You can't produce a baby in one month by getting nine women pregnant.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.
Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.
Itís a terrible thing to appear on television Ė because people think you actually know what youíre talking about!
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
I awoke one morning and found myself famous.