Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
It is better to be alone than in bad company.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.