It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
We are all born sexual creatures,thank God, but it's a pity so many people despise and crush this natural gift.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
I didn't fail the test, I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.