Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
Substitute 'damn' every time you're inclined to write 'very;' your editor will delete it and the writing will be just as it should be.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
Take me down to the bar! We'll drink breakfast together!
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
I don't pray really, because I don't want to bore God.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
I have a perfect cure for a sore throat: cut it.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
The easy confidence with which I know another man's religion is folly teaches me to suspect that my own is also.
Here's all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.
Animals are my friends...and I don't eat my friends.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.