I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
Never travel faster than your guardian angel can fly.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
And she's got brains enough for two, which is the exact quantity the girl who marries you will need.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
Hearing nuns' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
I love sleep. My life has the tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, you know?
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
Men are as faithful as their options.