When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But in practice, there is.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
Cocaine is God's way of saying you're making too much money.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money
I had a dream that I was awake and I woke up to find myself asleep.
What do I wear in bed? Why, Chanel No. 5, of course.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.