I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.

Be modest! It is the kind of pride least likely to offend.

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going and hook up with them later.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I will not join any club who will take me as a member

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.

Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!

I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!

I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.