A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, it ain't stupid.
Take me or leave me; or, as is the usual order of things, both.
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.
All discarded lovers should be given a second chance, but with somebody else.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
Heterosexuality is not normal, it's just common.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
Don't look at me in that tone of voice.
I always keep some whiskey handy in case I see a snake...which I also keep handy.
To truly laugh, you must be able to take your pain, and play with it.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
You know that Pepperidge Farm bread, that stuff is fancy. That stuff is wrapped twice. You open it, and then still ain't open. That's why I don't buy it, I don't need another step between me and toast.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes clean to the bone.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.