I apologize for lying to you. I promise I won't deceive you except in matters of this sort.

The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. To put it more accurately... you usually don't use it at all. It uses you.

The joke of our time is the suicide of intention.

Never lend your car to someone you've given birth to.

Genius is one percent inspiration and ninety-nine percent perspiration.

The spirit of man is an inward flame; a lamp the world blows upon but never puts out.

Children are a wonderful gift. They have an extraordinary capacity to see into the heart of things and to expose sham and humbug for what they are.

Terrorism is the tactic of demanding the impossible, and demanding it at gunpoint.

The two offices of memory are collection and distribution.

It is a mistake to think you can solve any major problems just with potatoes.

Tomorrow is the most important thing in life. Comes into us at midnight very clean. It's perfect when it arrives and it puts itself in our hands. It hopes we've learned something from yesterday.

If you've got them by the balls their hearts and minds will follow.

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

I have no idea. People who boast about their IQ are losers.

True valor lies between cowardice and rashness.

Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.

You sort of start thinking anything's possible if you've got enough nerve.

When I had nothing to lose, I had everything. When I stopped being who I am, I found myself.

All satire is blind to the forces liberated by decay. Which is why total decay has absorbed the forces of satire.

The Internet is becoming the town square for the global village of tomorrow.

I just want to retire before I go senile because if I don't retire before I go senile, then I'll do more damage than good at that point.