I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
It costs a lot of money to look this cheap.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.
I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
An intellectual is a person who has discovered something more interesting than sex.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Men are as faithful as their options.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?
I'm single because I was born that way.
My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.
If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?