As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
There's only one rule you need to remember: laugh at everything and forget everybody else! It sound egotistical, but it's actually the only cure for those suffering from self-pity
I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.
I'm going to the back seat of my car, with the woman I love, and I won't be back for ten minutes!
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
What a fine weather today! Can't choose whether to drink tea or to hang myself.
If you haven't got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.
I've always believed in the adage that the secret of eternal youth is arrested development.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.