If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.
Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot.
A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.