Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.
When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
I do this real moron thing, it's called thinking, and I'm not a very good American because I like to form my own opinions.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
I will not join any club who will take me as a member
Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.
Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't come to yours.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
There are only two types of women: goddesses and doormats.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other people.
Waffles are like pancakes with syrup traps
I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile.