Only a woman can make you feel wrong for doing something right.

It is better to be alone than in bad company.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

The trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

If I play a stupid girl and ask a stupid question, I've got to follow it through, what am I supposed to do, look intelligent?

A day without laughter is a day wasted.

I have nothing but respect for you - and not much of that.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

Cut my pie into four pieces, I dont think I could eat eight.

I'm single because I was born that way.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.

A sense of humour is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

I've heard that hard work never killed anyone, but I say why take the chance?

I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.

There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

Imagine being killed by a bow and arrow. That would suck, an arrow killed you? They would never solve the crime. 'Look at that dead guy. Let's go that way.

I recently took up ice sculpting. Last night I made an ice cube. This morning I made 12, I was prolific.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

If any of you cry at my funeral, I'll never speak to you again.