I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally.

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world, not even our troubles.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

If a black cat crosses your path, it signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments

I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.

I believe that every human has a finite amount of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

It's a good thing I was born a girl, otherwise I'd be a drag queen.

I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men.

Right now Im having amnesia and dj vu at the same time. I think Ive forgotten this before.

I have nothing to declare except my genius.

Well, if she was dumb enough to marry you, she'll believe anything.

Never put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.

Cynicism is humour in ill health.

I'm single because I was born that way.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

A day without laughter is a day wasted.