Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
The truly free man is the one who can turn down an invitation to dinner without giving an excuse.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
I've learned one thing: you can only really get to know a person after a row. Only then can you judge their true character!
Everybody's got to believe in something. I believe I'll have another beer.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
I got a king-sized bed. I don't know any kings, but if one came over, I guess he'd be comfortable.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.
Sex is an emotion in motion.
I'm sure the universe is full of intelligent life. It's just been too intelligent to come here.
War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
If at first you don't succeed then skydiving definitely isn't for you.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.
I think of myself as an intelligent, sensitive human being with the soul of a clown which always forces me to blow it at the most important moments
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.