In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
A severed foot is the ultimate stocking stuffer.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
I have nothing to declare except my genius.
My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.
If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
If you can keep your son off the pipe and your daughter off the pole, you're ahead of the game.
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
I live in a neighbourhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot.
I never travel without my diary. One must always have something sensational to read on the train.
Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
Organizing is what you do before you do something, so that when you do it, it's not all mixed up.