I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
I have left orders to be awakened at any time during national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting.
If your dog is going to suffer from diarrhea, it will happen between the time the carpet is cleaned for the holidays and the last holiday get-together.
Only dumb people try to impress smart people. Smart people just do what they do.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
I used to think anyone doing anything weird was weird. Now I know that it is the people that call others weird that are weird.
A day without laughter is a day wasted.
Always laugh when you can. It is cheap medicine.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
Actors search for rejection. If they don't get it they reject themselves.
Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
To the uneducated, an A is just three sticks.
A smile is the best way to get away with trouble even if it's a fake one.
I never worry about diets. The only carrots that interest me are the number you get in a diamond.
No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.