I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.
The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help.
It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.
That's why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it.
I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.
I love great music and art, but I think 'cubist' songs and paintings are hideous.
If you had a face like mine, you'd punch me right on the nose, and I'm just the fella to do it.
Ill put off readingLolitafor six more years until she turns 18.
I'm sorry this letter is so long, I didn't have time to make it shorter.
I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
When you're thirty you're old enough to know better, but still young enough to go ahead and do it.
I’ve been bitten by a python. It wasn’t a very big one…
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
I don't know much about being a millionaire, but I'll bet I'd be darling at it.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
I'm single because I was born that way.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?