It's nice to have a lot of money, but you know, you don't want to keep it around forever. I prefer buying things. Otherwise, it's a little like saving sex for your old age.

The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.

Don't look at me in that tone of voice.

I awoke one morning and found myself famous.

Only in our dreams are we free. The rest of the time we need wages.

The length of a film should be directly related to the endurance of the human bladder.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didnt know.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.

No good deed goes unpunished.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

Life's but short. You might as well be amusing.

One thing you can't hide - is when you're crippled inside.

You could talk about same-sex marriage, but people who have been married (say) 'It's the same sex all the time.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

Women are made to be loved not understood.

Writing is a way of talking without being interrupted.

He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.

You can tell a lot about a fellow's character by his way of eating jellybeans.

All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.

When I was in school the teachers told me practice makes perfect; then they told me nobodys perfect so I stopped practicing.