I drink to make other people more interesting.
If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
You can't get spoiled if you do your own ironing.
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.
Cynicism is humour in ill health.
He has a brilliant mind until he makes it up.
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
When you jump for joy, beware that no one moves the ground from beneath your feet.
A dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion
A writer needs a pen, an artist needs a brush, but a filmmaker needs an army.
Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution.
He's very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head.
There is nothing in the world so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.
Women are made to be loved not understood.
If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.
Ever notice how 'What the hell' is always the right answer?
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.
I can't do the same thing every night, the same gestures... it's like putting on dirty panties every day.