If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth, then someone, somewhere is making a penny.
If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.
Doughnuts. Is there anything they can't do?
I love to see a young girl go out and grab the world by the lapels. Life's a bitch. You've got to go out and kick ass.
In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom, in water there is bacteria.
Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!
I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.
Fell in love with a beautiful blonde once. Drove me to drink. And I never had the decency to thank her.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.
All women become like their mothers. That is their tragedy. No man does, and that is his.
I dont know where I am going, but I am on my way.
God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time.
Practice makes perfect, but nobody's perfect, so why practice?
He could not see a belt without hitting below it.
You cannot win in a fight against women, cause men have a need to make sense.
I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.
My God. We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.
The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.
A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his clients to plant vines.